Undone

 Undone


When the ordinary

Becomes irreplaceable

And the tears come

And the memory plays


Last year was the first year

I asked Mom to let me help

Plan her annual garden

Just in case

I needed to step in

For travel or sickness


And now,

That first time

Has becime

The last time.

And this paper

A link

To her wisdom

Her love

Her


And I

Am

Undone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Firsts

Firsts are hardests Everyone warns you Trying to prepare  You For The Washing Sorrow Birthday Holiday Winter Spring Summer Fall Garden Phone call Puppies Pregnancy Birth All without An after Just Life Before is Past After is Now And now is beautiful Even Hearing your excitment Watching crinkles frame eyes alight and dancing Echos in my mind Unformed Indistinct This weight The After Wishing You Were Still Now First
Read more

Spring and Sorrow

I am both comforted and assailed  b y new waves of grief, when following the rhythms you taught me.  My hands warming the cool dirt Grit working under my nails Seeds pressed into their hopeful beginings And I wish I could call you Share my joy of spring Joy you danced to The only dance you knew The dance of the garden Of growth and renewal It seems cruel The season of new life Being my greatest reminder of you.  Now you are dead Burried beneath The soil you loved Daffodils and crocus  Dancing above.  “Why are you crying?”  My littlest has found me crying  in our garden.  Because gardening reminds me of Grandma.  “Why do you do it?  If it makes you sad?” Because she loved it.  And I like it.  I like to grow yummy food And plant in the dirt with my babies.  Because it reminds me of you.  And how you taught me  To grow in the dirt  And how healing each plot “The garden is my therapy”  You often remarked....
Read more

Momma, where are you?

  You are gone.  In the other room? Just beyond the space I am in now. Toddler boots thumping through your empty house, calling out, “Ma? … Ma?” Nolan's sweet persistent belief that if he was in your house you must be there. Unchanged by preparations to the contrary. Replaying in my mind, now, tinting the memory bittersweet. Is that what this is?  Believing that, in spite of what I have been told,  if I just call out in the right tone,  if I just walk into the next room fast enough,  I will find you again?  Crinkled smile reserved for children who had found you in your game? Joy personified welcoming me into your embrace. Laughter dancing in your eyes Resonate in your voice. Oh, Momma. I need to find you!!! Please be there waiting for me. Your house echoes without you. My heart is lonely without you. I will keep searching. Until I find you. In the curls at my brow, The age on the back of my hands, The joy of my child's embrace. And I will listen for yo...
Read more