Tangle of Thorns

I have a confession to make. Recently I discovered that I've been a completely insensitive jerk. It really makes me sad and sick to my stomach. I'm awake early right now because I feel like I can't lay back down without throwing up. The sad thing is, I got into this position by mentioning the elephant in the room. I thought people knew me well enough to perceive my comments as what they were. Pure, innocent, benign, words. - NEWS FLASH - I am not Racist, I do not value you by your skin color. If your were purple and orange plaid, it would not affect how I talk to you, or treat you. SO - When I make comment on someones color - such as - wondering aloud what shade or color this baby might be when she grows up; or trying to describe the dad I just saw - it is from a writers heart, simply characterizing the facts into words. IF I use the wrong words, please tell me. Don't stew about it for months and then bring it back up in front of new people to embarrass me with. Very u...

Overall, my life does not change that much or that frequently. I get nervous when you're talking about permanent change. I don't know that this says anything about my ability to commit, but it is the fact. In the last year, we have had many changes come to our lives. My father-in-law had a heart attack, and though he survived, it brought home the reality that we are not immortal. My husbands grandmother was moved to a nursing home. We've acquired another dog. And last but not least, we are nearing the end of my husbands Bachelors of Business degree. All of the changes are not bad, all of them are not good. We have weathered the change well, as far as I can discern, but the stress does not disappear just because we've lived through it. My reaction to all of this? I've dyed my hair. It's now called Cinnaberry. Which I hope will stay a nice Auburn as it washes out, and won't turn purple, But I guess I"ll have to wait and see. So - I suppose my reaction can...

This week, a friend of mine from childhood committed suicide. We'd drifted apart. Lost touch.... were friends on facebook to keep better touch. It sucks. When I think about it too much, a few tears fall. Her memorial is on Friday... I don't think I'll be able to go. I'm working the night before, and it's a drive. I think I'll regret not going. This makes me sick inside. That is all. So final. No more choices, no more chances, just gone. Too sad.

It's been one year since I last wrote. I'm still working nights, the hubby is still a full time college student and out of work. We're still making it. Live in the same house, have the same sweet dog.... Not much has changed, or has it? Let's see. I'm 25 now, isn't that supposed to be a "wise old age"? I seem to remember being a kid and thinking that people in their 20's must have it all figured out. News flash - they're still winging it. My mom was 25-ish when she had my sister. I think of where I'm at now, and though I'd love to have a baby on the way, I'm in no way smarter or more prepared to be a parent than I was 2 or even 5 years ago. Perhaps I have more life experience to draw on, but that definitely doesn't make me have any more answers. I've made some new friends this year. Time will tell how long those relationships will be, but they're nice and wonderful and hopefully worth the time invested. I've also lea...